Authors Note –
Sorry chaps, this is a bit of a filler…!
I’m not heartless, really, I’m not.
I get that people cry, that people feel the need to express themselves by releasing tears… as far as I’m aware it’s supposed to make them feel better in the long run, something like that – it’s a coping mechanism, but I haven’t cried in years.
The sight of my father sobbing, a grown man who’s responsible for abusing me on a daily basis, both physically and mentally for the past 7 years… is just disturbing and I don’t know what to do about it.
It’s now Saturday morning and I’m laid in bed, starring up at the ceiling and dreading going downstairs – for two reasons.
The first is a fear that my father might have started drinking again; that the man I met last night has disappeared and we’re right back where we started.
The second is a fear that I’ll have to talk to him about last night… or that he’ll start crying again. I can’t deal with that…
I hear the church bell toll 9 ‘o clock, I don’t usually stay in bed this late – I’m always an early riser… eager to be out and about enjoying the woods.
I decide it’s time to bite the bullet and I dress quickly, I’m keen to leave the house without having to face my father.
I creep quietly down the stairs, listening for movement within the house but it’s unnaturally silent – even when he’s passed out I can here either heavy breathing or ogre-like snores… but not today.
I head to the front door when I see a yellow piece of paper taped to the glass there – I snatch at it.
Gone to the shop for some bits, how does chilli sound for tea? It was always your favourite…
I haven’t got my keys so don’t go anywhere!
I scrunch up the piece of paper whilst rolling my eyes; I really don’t want to see him… I want to be out in the woods…
I shove the note into my pocket and head to the kitchen to raid the fridge; I’m a little peckish having not eaten a lot yesterday.
I pull out a slice of cold pizza and sit at the kitchen table munching on it and reading the paper.
“Knock, knock!” I hear a voice call from the hallway, it makes me jump and I turn slightly to see who’s there.
My stomach lurches when I see her, the spell…?
“Hey,” she smiles, “Sorry for just barging in… saw your dad at the store and he said you were home…”
I say nothing so she approaches me and sits opposite, Maya peers into the pizza box before me.
“Oooh! Ham and Pineapple!” she squeaks, “My favourite!”
I watch her as she leans forward and plucks out a slice, she laughs at my face as she takes a huge bite… I can’t make sense of her presence here in my kitchen…
“I haven’t had pizza in ages!” she giggles after swallowing, “Mum and Dad won’t let me have it…”
I raise my eyebrows, “Why not?”
“Because it’s bad for you… Dad reckons it contains more than your daily allowance of salt or something… says it causes strokes…”
I take another slice from the box.
“You gonna teach me how to fish today?” Maya asks, I don’t like the way she watches me eat… I’m certain I’m going to drop some.
“I guess,” I say, I haven’t got a clue how to act around her… does she know how beautiful she is? When did I turn into an emotional retard?
“Really?” Maya beams, “Great!”
“Ah, you’re up!” Dad enters the kitchen and places 4 carrier bags on the kitchen work top.
I glance at him, “Sorry I was ages,” he says, pulling an egg box from one of the bags, “I ran into Becky at the store… we got chatting…”
I stand up, “No problem… I’ll see you later…” I start to walk away and Maya follows me.
“Where are you going?” Dad calls.
“Out,” I call back, leaving through the front door and out into the October sunshine, anything to be away from the house.
Next chapter out Wednesday, 26th June 2013.