Author note –
You may notice that everyone’s eyes look a little weird about half way through this chapter. That’s because I was fiddling with defaults and downloaded some different eyes… anyways I didn’t like them so they revert back later on. 🙂
Sunday comes and goes, it rains all day and I don’t go out.
I decide to stay in and draw, I draw the deer I saw with Maya, and then I draw Maya herself.
I can’t quite get it right, it’s her eyes… I just can’t do them justice… no matter how hard I try.
Dad attempts to talk to me but I close up whenever he’s around, can’t he see how hard this is for me?
Mostly I think about Maya, her eyes, her perfect skin and musical laugh… I can’t wait to go to school and see her.
That night I sleep deeply, and I wake with a start at just after 4 am. The rain is splattering vigorously against the window panes and I wonder for a moment what it is that’s woken me.
Then I hear it, coughing.
I sit up and listen harder… its Dad. I can’t decide if he’s been drinking and he’s fact just vomiting.
I slide out of bed and open the bedroom door, I call downstairs, “Dad?”
“I…” he coughs and splutters, “Just a cough…!” he manages.
I head downstairs to see him purple faced and bent double.
“Jeez dad,” I place my hand on his shoulder, “Are you alright?”
He clears his throat and breaths deeply, “Came out of no-where,” he explains, “Just a tickle…”
I guide him back to his bedroom and see a glass of water on his night stand, I pass it to him once he’s sat on the bed and he takes a few hungry gulps.
“All better,” he smiles.
“Are you sure?” I ask and he nods.
“Ok, shout me if you need me,” I pat him awkwardly and head back upstairs to bed.
I vaguely remember Maya telling me that our only class together is Social Studies… but just the thought of seeing her around school is enough to make me want to go.
I’ve never had this drive before, this need to be beside another human being, the feeling is completely alien to me.
I approach the school gates and I see Maya talking to her friends, it’s like she stands out above all else… everyone else is just a blur of shapes and sounds, but Maya is very much in focus.
As I approach, she looks up and her eyes meet mine; fiery orange on cold slate – I smile, but she looks away from me.
I’m about to wave at her when Fintan appears and places her arm around her shoulders, she beams up at him and without so much as a backward glance she walks into school.
I frown, but feel undeterred and enter the school building.
As the day progresses I sit through Math, English and History classes, finally ending with gym, but I don’t see Maya.
When 3:30 arrives I feel a little downtrodden, I’d looked forward to see her all weekend… only for her to be nowhere in sight.
As I shuffle down the corridor to the exit I hear Maya’s laugh and see she’s stood outside one of the classrooms with her friends and Fintan.
Our eyes meet again and I feel like I’ve been hit by a bolt of electricity. I smile at her, but once again she looks away.
“What you looking at, Goth?” Fintan takes a swig of cola from the bottle in his hand.
I don’t say anything, just readjust my bag on my shoulder and start walking away.
“I asked you a question,” he says, throwing the empty drink bottle and it lands in the bin some distance away. “Don’t ignore me…”
I keep walking and I know he’s following me… he grabs my rucksack, pulling me back.
I face him. “What are you looking at?” he asks again.
“You call Maya nothing?”
“Come on Goth, everyone knows you have a thing for Maya… must suck for you to know she’s with me now…”
I glance over at Maya who won’t meet my gaze, she looks at her feet.
So Maya and Fin are together now? That hurts, a lot.
I start walking away. “That’s right,” Fin laughs, “Go home and cry about it! Or maybe go watch some deer or something… fish?”
I can’t believe she’s told him about our Saturday together…
“Fish?” I hear one of his friend start laughing and Maya’s friends join in… “What a geek…”
So much for Chaska’s spell… what an idiot I’ve been. I don’t even believe in magic.
I get home and go straight upstairs, dads not home which suits me fine.
I flop onto my bed and punch my pillow angrily.
How can I have been so stupid? Did I really think that everything had somehow taken a turn for the better? I’ll always be alone, and that’s fine really. I don’t need anyone. I don’t need Maya; I don’t need a father, a mother. Anything, because I have me and I’m the only person I trust.
Thinking about it, it seems pretty obvious to me that the only reason Maya has spent any time with me at all is because of the presentation… now I’ve shown her how to fish she’s done her part of it and she obviously doesn’t need me anymore…
I turn on my side and see the picture I drew of Maya, I stalk over to it and angrily rip it to shreds, all the while thinking ‘bitch’.
I must have fallen to sleep because when I wake I can hear a voice calling my name, and it’s not my father.
I get up and glance at my bedside clock – 01.07, sliding out of bed I open my door.
“Yves, can you help?”
I’m surprised to see Ms. Lane stood downstairs, and she’s propping up my father who looks half dead.
“What the hell?”
I run down the stairs and help her carry him to his room; the sweet smelling alcohol on his breath is obvious.
“Oh, what the hell?” I say. What the frigging hell has he done? “I knew you wouldn’t stay sober!” I yell into his face, this is just typical.
“It’s just a relapse… it’s common,” Ms. Lane says, she looks tired.
I laugh without humour, “A relapse? You have to have at least tried in order to have a relapse! He never tried!” I gesture at my father who mutters something ineligible under his breath.
“Calm down,” Ms. Lane touches my shoulder and I shrug her off roughly.
“Don’t tell me to calm down!” I shout, “Do you have any idea how crap this is? How sick I am of this… this… pathetic loser!”
“It gets better…”
“Oh, whatever!” I spit, and I stomp out of the room, my fists are clenched and my nostrils flare as I grab my coat from its hook. I’m thankful I dozed off without changing.
“Where are you going?” Ms. Lane calls to me.
I ignore her, exit the house and enter the darkness of night.
Next Update – Wednesday 3rd July 2013.
(Where the hell does the time go?!)