IRL · Random Ramblings

Letter to my Younger Self.

I’ve been going through a little bit of something recently.
Not sure what that something is but it involves me having zero drive or motivation to do anything as well as feeling pretty apathetic about life in general.
I was on YouTube procrastinating when I stumbled upon a video titled “Letter to my Younger Self” and I liked the idea.
Growing up I wish I’d had a friend to tell me these things, but hey, the past is the past, right?
Here’s my letter to my younger selves.
Let me know if you decide to do this too, I’d love to see what you have to say to yourself!

 

Hi, 12-year-old Heather,
I know you’re going through something weird right now, you have that odd ache in your gut like something’s not right. Don’t ignore it! That feeling is your intuition and it’s powerful.
I know you’ve found it difficult to open up to your peers and potential friends; looking back I realise it’s because you moved around a lot as a kid and so never really made any significant friendships.
It’s not a bad thing. You’re resilient and you are comfortable being alone. OK, so it’s difficult for you to let people in, to show them the real you, but that’s something people have to earn and in the future, you’ll meet some wonderful people who understand you and appreciate you for who you are. I promise.

Hi 15-year-old Heather,
In your mid-teens you’ll struggle with school, it’s not that you don’t have the brains which is what you think, it’s more than likely because the subjects you’re studying simply do not interest you.
School isn’t everything and it certainly doesn’t define who you are. Plough through, take Music and History classes instead of Art. Art sucked. Your style wasn’t appreciated. Never conform just to please someone else! That’s why you failed so hard.

Hi 18-year-old Heather
When your late teens hit you’ll go through some sort of weird teenage life crisis. It’s OK, you’re just trying to find your identity. You’ll become frustrated because you want to meet someone who genuinely understands you and the harder you try, the harder it becomes. You’ll come to realise that you’re a little different to your friends, they wanna party or hang out ALL THE TIME whereas you kinda wanna sit inside and read a book, or watch movie or… just be by yourself occasionally.
It’s because of this that you fall out with a number of people you thought cared about you, they’ll label you “boring” and make fun of you, they’ll also be under the impression that you think you’re better than them, which is totally not the case, you’re an introvert. Embrace it; besides, if they were true friends they would understand that you like alone time and leave you to it.

Hi 23-Year-old Heather
In your early twenties, stuff gets a little hectic relationship-wise.
It’s fine, I know right now you are hurting you thought you’d met someone who truly cared for you and you were wrong and that’s OK. Call it a learning curve. You were lucky that it took you this long to be really hurt by another human being. I know right now, you feel alone, depressed, unattractive and more than anything else like an utter fool for falling in love with the wrong person but to be honest all you can do is learn from the experience and let it go.
Focus on you! SAVE YOUR MONEY! Stop chasing men, start chasing your dreams!
You’re about to meet someone else who will change your life forever.

Hi 30-Year-old Heather
Stuff is harder than you thought, right?
You’re a mother!
OK, so right now you’re not too happy; that WILL and DOES change.
Ada is amazing, smart and beautiful and she will change you as a person, just wait.
Those colic filled sleepless nights DO stop.
If you don’t enjoy breastfeeding, STOP! Just because “breast is best” health wise doesn’t mean it’s best for you mentally; plus, Ada picks up on your anxiety and that makes her cranky.
You have more support that you realise, don’t be afraid to ask for help!

Dear Heather of today.
You’re still struggling.
What’s wrong? I know you don’t really know the answer to that question so think about what’s right.
You’re fit and healthy plus you’re losing weight. You’re changing something you don’t like about yourself and that is wonderful.
You have an amazing spouse who is grounded, solid as a rock and supportive, you did well!
You have a beautiful daughter who runs you ragged but encourages you to grow as a person, your world really has changed.
There’s always things which could be better, ALWAYS.
Know that despite any hardships you feel right now, once you’ve overcome them there’s going to be something else because that’s just life; it’s all about growing as a person.
This weird pull into depression you’re feeling can and will be resolved, just like it has in the past.
It will never go away completely, but just take it as a prompt to try harder.
You’re not happy with something? Change it! Can’t change it? Try to live with it.
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
I think you know.

 

Love, Heath xxx

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